One Brown Shoe

A Week of Epiphanies

2011-05-27T00:26:00.000-07:00

Life has changed quite a bit for me in the last 6 months or so. Just how much has changed was really brought home to me this week. Saturday, May 21st Mom and I walked in--and completed--the Ogden Half Marathon. I never would have thought that this would be possible a year ago, let alone something that I willingly signed up for and almost enjoyed. (Keep in mind that I've now had just shy of a week to recuperate. I was singing quite a different tune on the 21st.)

Training for the Half Marathon began back in January when I signed up for a program on campus called Women In Motion. Somehow I convinced Mom and a few other ladies to join me in this craziness, and I'm so very glad that they did. We began by walking just 20 minutes the first few weeks. I remember fighting to drag my sorry self out of bed to be to class at 8:00 on Saturday mornings thinking, "It's just 20 minutes. I'll climb back in bed as soon as I'm finished." And in the beginning, I did.

As the months progressed, the times and distances increased dramatically. I remember when we moved from walking on the indoor track to walking the lanes surrounding the football field. Lane 1 was still snow covered, and lane 2 wasn't much better. The weather finally started to warm up, and my resistance to early Saturday mornings thawed along with the ground.

Our first "big" walk happened on campus. Julie, our fearless leader, decided to march us from the gym, past the stadium, down the length of campus, three times around the duck pond, over to the alumni center, up the hill to circle the DEC parking lot, and finally back to the gym; a round trip lasting 6 or so miles, depending on how many times we made it around the parking lot. Did I mention that we walked UP the hill? I truly thought I would die before reaching to top. The hill had to be at least 5 1/2 of the 6-ish miles long. Well, okay. I suppose it was less than a quarter of a mile, but it felt pretty insurmountable even at the half way point. But, even though I was out of breath and having heart palpitations, we made it to the top.

The next walk that I thought might result in my early demise was a 10 mile jaunt. Mom and I were visiting family for Easter and I worried that social time might take priority over walking. Thankfully the fam is wonderfully supportive, and 5 of us walked two 5 mile chunks, each an adventure unto its self. The morning walk happened in the rain, and due to a technical failure (poor iPod!) we decided that we came up 1 mile short of the goal after driving our course. Rather than conceding defeat, Aunt convinced Mom to drive to the local high school track so that we could make up the deficit by walking 4 times around the football field.

The afternoon leg was a bit more painful. We started with two of the cousins, neither of whom had walked that morning. Technical trauma was averted since the course was driven before we started walking. We were all quite exhausted by the time the house--our end goal--was in view, but iPod let us know that we only had 300 meters left to meet our goal, so we continued past. I've always been someone who's looked for the path of least physical resistance, so I'm not sure how I ended up convincing everyone to finish those last 300 meters. I think that was my first clue of how much things had changed.

While the rest of the world was watching William and Kate's wedding, we hit our next milestone of walking 12 miles. We started in Uinta, trekked through areas that I didn't know existed, and hit the half way point at a church that had to be in a whole different time zone from where we started. It was a beautiful walk and everyone was super encouraging, but I've never been so anxious to see a blue bus shelter before. The hardest part came after the bus shelter as we walked up another seemingly gigantic hill. The theme of this walk was "just keep swimming," and repeating it over and over is the only thing that helped me make it up that hill. I learned that sometimes I just have to suck it up and power through the tough spot. I just knew that I couldn't slow down once I'd started or I'd never make it to the top. But I made it.

The Weekend finally arrived as we picked up our shirts, runner's packets, and bibs at the Fun and Fitness Expo the night of the 20th. The expo was my first glimpse into the race community, and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed what I saw. One of my favorite booths was selling headbands printed with assorted clever phrases. Mom found one that said "Slow is the new Fast," and I just about bought "Hell must be frozen over if I'm doing this." This was my second clue into how much had actually changed.

The morning of the 21st arrived, and I was once again dragging my backside out of bed to meet the race bus at 5:15 AM. Thank heavens Mom was driving because I wouldn't have made it on my own! We rode the bus up the canyon and joined the herd of folks waiting at the start line. I was amazed at how many of the participants I knew. I never would have guessed how many different worlds would intersect in the middle of nowhere Eden at the crack of dawn. After all of that, I shouldn't have been surprised when a piece of my past caught up with me.

I was speaking with one of the other WIM ladies when out of the corner of my eye I noticed someone who was once a very large part of my life walking up to Mom. I turned around to say hello and the look of shock I received was priceless and actually very vindicating. This may have been the first time someone was actually struck speechless at my presence. I hadn't realized just how far outside of my box I'd traveled until this moment. I'm the girl who still claims that I don't run unless something's chasing me, but there I was waiting to start walking 13.1 miles. A good friend stated it well when she said that I'm so far outside of my box that I've had to find a new one. I think I'm okay with the hermit crab-like metaphor in this case.

Walking the Half Marathon was, as cliche as it sounds, a bit of a life changing experience for me. I've always been someone who avoided pain if at all possible; I fight passing out if I'm even looking at a needle. But even with finishing the last 5 miles or so with bleeding blisters, I found myself more concerned about the blood staining my shoes or upsetting Mom than I was about the pain. Intellectual pursuits have always come pretty easily to me, but this was the first time I can truly say that I overcame and accomplished a physically daunting task.

The hardest part of the whole Half Marathon came in the last 2 miles. Mom and I were both exhausted, and I was at the point of tears. Thankfully there were spectators standing everywhere possible from the time we left the canyon almost to the finish line, and I refused to cry in front of people who were cheering us on. I was amazed at the number of runners who took a moment to call encouragement out to those of us walking the course. I expected people to be polite, but I was absolutely blown away that people--most of whom had run 13.1 more miles than I'd walked--took a moment to cheer us on our way.

Even with all of the encouragement, I was convinced that someone was moving the finish line back block by block. That or Grant truly is the longest street in the entire world. It was all we could do to put one foot in front of the other, but my spirits were lifted by a couple of runners singing "This is the street that never ends." Isn't it amazing that someone can retain their sense of humor even after running 25 1/2-ish miles? Mom kept repeating "We can do this," and I finally started to believe her once we hit the intersection of Grant and 24th.

Walking the block from 24th to 25th was a completely surrealistic experience. I couldn't believe that there were literally hundreds of people cheering on the runners, and apparently us too. I hadn't realized until about mile 7 that my name was printed on my race bib, and it was pretty strange to be cheered on by name. My grand pantheon of sports experiences totaled playing t-ball and softball as a kid, and 2 whole powder puff football games, so I'd never actually crossed a finish line until then, and I truly didn't know how to react. To top off the whole experience, all of the sudden someone was placing a medal around my neck.

I don't think that it truly hit me that I'd actually accomplished my goal of walking 13.1 miles until I hung my bib and medal in my bedroom. I still find myself wondering why someone's medal is hanging on my wall. It amazes me that I actually did it, but what's even more strange is that I'm already planning which race I'll sign up for next.

I started this post by titling it "A week of epiphanies," and I certainly experienced more than my fair share in connection with the Half Marathon, but I still have a few others to mention. First, I realized at a concert on Tuesday that I'd finally exorcized (and exercised) a few demons from my past while training for and completing the Half Marathon. I'd even allowed memories of one particularly pesky demon to ruin some of my favorite music. Thankfully the concert helped me finally let go and record new memories over the old. Best of all, the new memories are hopeful rather than melancholy.

The concert also helped me realize that through training for the Half Marathon I've learned that it's okay to reach out and grab the experiences that I want to have. I may have to put out my elbows a bit like I did at the concert, but if I want to stand in the same place that the 13 year old thinks she deserves more than I do, I have to take the step forward rather than wait for her to step back. And, I'm grateful for people who reach out to grab my arm, encouraging me to step forward.

I also learned that hills tend to be less daunting the more I walk them. Instead of being the girl at the end of the group wheezing and panting and whining my way to the top of the hill, I was Chatty Cathy at the front of the line, leading the way and pushing to go a bit farther and faster. Instead of constantly trying to catch up, someone asked me to slow down. I'm tempted to say that this particular hill was smaller than the others I'd climbed, but as I look back I realize that it was pretty dang huge. And I did it.

I wrote this to remind myself of all of the blessings and lessons and growth I've experienced in the last 6 months. I'm still trying to adjust to my new skin, but just like the medal hanging on my wall, I'm owning it a little bit more every day.

Random Ponderings

2010-12-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

And now, in an effort to change my mood from one bordering on the morose/emo that I've been experiencing all evening to one a little less concerned with navel gazing, I've decided to list some of the things I'm greatful for right now. Please excuse the (temporary, I promise!) icky squishy positive-ness while I attempt to reset my internal compass.

Today I am thankful for (in no particular order):

A comfortable bed with inviting pillows, a memory foam mattress cover, and a cuddly teddy bear named Bear-nard. Yes, I am a grown woman who sleeps with a stuffed animal. What of it?
The song "The Dog Days are Over" by Florence + the Machine. It makes me happy in a hopeful/melancholy way.
A job that I honestly enjoy and which makes me both shake my head and laugh on a daily basis.
A brother who randomly hugged me because I reminded him about a Christmas gift bag that had been in his room for almost a year.
Driving in the snow and NOT wrecking my car.
Diet Coke on sale at Smith's.
Knowing that it really is "Smith's" rather than the seemingly more grammatically correct "Smiths."
Girlfriends/family
The fact that the previous two words are synonyms in my world
Chocolate
My Nook and those who invented it
Amazon and free two day shipping
All of that uber-personal spiritual stuff
Little kids
White christmas lights in a dark room
The way things seem to turn out not how I expected that they should, but in a way that's infinitely better in the long run

And now to find Bear-nard and get some sleep. Here's to a more peaceful and balanced tomorrow.

Hooray!

2010-06-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

The (metaphorical) eggs hatched today. Life is good :)

what i've learned this week

2010-06-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

1. Sleep is a good thing, but sometimes the book is worth staying up late.

2. I don't think I'll ever understand why people "woo" while working out. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong, but this doesn't make sense in my world.

3. The weather will suck if you hope to go swimming.

4. Friends are a very good thing. So are iPods.

5. Don't count your chickens before they hatch, but don't expect ducks when you're promised chickens either.

6. Quiet Sunday mornings are a wonderful thing.

life lately

2010-05-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

I've finally pulled some of the pics off of my camera and thought I'd share:

Luke Graduated (and so did his hair);

I was lucky enough to participate in the Race for the Cure 2010 with a fabulous group of women;

Eris is still her wonderful sassy/cute self;

And most importantly, we have a new neighbor. (Can you spot the baby chipmunk?)

so that's what all of the whining has been about

2010-03-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

we've been remodeling our (only) bathroom for what feels like EVER. and, i've been whining about it ad nauseum. so, due to popular demand, i've put together some pics so everyone can see why i've had my knickers in a twist for going on three weeks. thanks to everyone who's sympathized, and i promise to shut up about this already! i'm looking forward to a life lived sans construction...

Goldie's Demise

2009-12-31T12:48:00.000-08:00

So i decided to finish my Christmas shopping last Tuesday after having dinner with the Duchess and Athena. I was trying to go to Layton when this happened:

I hit a patch of ice, a snowbank, a railroad bridge, did a couple of 360s, and ended up in the outside lane of oncoming traffic. (This shot is face-on from the front of the car.)

See the bump right below the black hose? Yep, I bent the frame.

And what happened to my hood you may ask? Well, I just learned today that the found it somewhere on the side of the road. Apparently something though it looked tasty and took a bite out of it. (My bet is on the bridge)

Luckily I walked away with some bruises and sore muscles and nothing worse. I've wondered for a little while now if i have a vehicular guardian angel and this plus the look on the body shop guy's face when I told him I wasn't seriously injured pretty much secured that opinion. Thanks to all of the nameless people who stopped to help me, and will everyone please drive safely tonight?

Huh?

2009-10-05T13:41:00.001-07:00

Can you imagine my surprise when I noticed this out of my office window? Did I mention that I'm on the 3rd floor?

July

2009-07-31T22:30:00.000-07:00

So it's been a busy July. I've been a slacker and haven't kept up on all of the details, but here are some pics of what I've been up to. Enjoy!

The Clearfield 4th of July parade

Clearfield Fireworks

The Obon Festival 2009

Scrapbooking with the girls (Eris is out of the shot watching Clue)

Grow Baby Grow!

2009-07-01T21:25:00.000-07:00

I've recently acquired a wonderful little Canon Powershot camera that I'm enjoying fully. I've also just decided to try to improve my black thumb (poor unsuspecting plants!) and as a result have discovered the wonders of micro-sprinklers. Here are some photos of the plants that, if nothing else, will serve as proof that they were once healthy.

Hooray for hostas in the shade

but wait, there's more...

I've decided that this plant is the drama queen of the bed--I came home this evening and found the flowers plastered to the dirt, little hands thrown dramatically over their eyes crying "Water... I must have water!" 20 minutes later they were back to their perky selves. Leave it to me to find needy violets. sigh.

Justifying the Blog

2009-06-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

So this exciting glimpse into my life has been around since 2007. I've periodically ignored it, but I've done pretty well in the last 6 months or so. And I've decided that it's kind of exciting in a cheesy way. I was looking over some old posts and saw that people actually commented! It's kind of sad that this was the highlight of my day so far, but hey. I's only 8:30 am, so there's hope still, right?

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2009-05-27T07:13:00.000-07:00

This week has pretty much kicked my trash. It all started a week ago Saturday... (insert Wayne & Garth with their cheesy 80s flashback wavy lines and "sound effects" here.) The 'rents decided to buy a car and came home with two. That's a whole different story for another day, but come Monday I decided to check into getting pre-approved for a car loan. On Wednesday Bob, Noelle and I all hit Hertz with a vengeance. Thursday I was bidding a fond farewell to the Dude and a great big hello to a yet-to-be-named '04 Oldsmobile Alero. (Suggestions, anyone?) I can now hear myself think as I drive down the road and no longer wonder at what point the car will blow up around me. On a side note--I think that the wonderful Hertz guy must have channeled the lecture he gave me after he drove the Dude from the college to the dealership straight from my father! Anyway, so hooray I'm a grown-up again.

So, the next eventful moment came when I was a witness to a car wreck in Centerville. I was on my way home from some forsaken part of the southern Salt Lake valley--yet another side story for another day. All I can say is that I'm grateful for car seats, seat belts, a clean record, that I rarely if ever drive a vehicle without a bra, and for hot police officers. Thankfully everyone was okay and my new car wasn't involved, but I've been even more of a gigantic grandma driver ever since!

But wait! there's more. Monday was our yearly cemetery trek to Idaho for Memorial Day. This event has been a source of much stress and angst since about 2001. The phrase "bad blood" was pretty relevant, but that's probably the longest side story that I really try to avoid telling. Anyway, the reason that this year was even more eventful was that we (Bob, My Brother, and I) stopped to talk with some family that we haven't seen since 2001. It was an experience that I've feared and dreaded for so long that it still hasn't sunk in that it actually happened. It was much less scary than I had imagined, but I'm still trying to process two days later. It'll be interesting to see how this changes life.

So all in all, even though the martians didn't invade I've had a pretty eventful week.

My Ripped off List of Things that are Awesome

2009-05-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

After being inspired by Eris' post, I decided to make my own list:

1. Popsicles--the wonderful treat that I love even though I know that I'm destined to wear at least one each summer.

2. The smell of summer rain--It's only that sweet when I know it's temporary

3. The bird's nest I can see out of my bathroom window--A constant reminder that everything starts out helpless and kind of ugly.

What do you think?

random pics

2009-05-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

Two posts in one day even! Noelle must be rubbing off on me... Here are a couple of cute pics of Isaac and Logan that I've been meaning to post for a while:

Isaac ran his nose into a chair, and this was the "bandaid" that his mom used. He kept asking to "take it off."

This is my favorite pic of the two boys together so far. Gotta love the glazed look on both of their faces!

fertile friends

2009-05-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I have very fertile friends. There will be four new ones within about a six month period. Six months sounds like a long time, but it feels really short! That means that I'll have had at least one friend who was pregnant for a year and a half. I'm starting to worry about drinking the water at parties...

probably fake, but scary none the less...

The Expo

2009-03-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

Friday afternoon I went to the Scrapbook USA Expo with some girlfriends. This bi-annual event, otherwise known as The Expo (capitols fully intended!), is an excuse to shop, chit chat, shop, eat horribly over priced food, shop, and scrap a little. It's always exciting and usually expensive, but I spent less than $30 this time. I did have a great discussion about music with the Duchess. That reminds me--I've got to go burn a CD...

Holy purple batman!

2009-03-09T22:15:00.000-07:00

I may have suffered a brief moment of insanity today. I've always wanted to do something truly crazy with my hair a la Empire Records and today I came pretty close. And then I saw the back. Yes folks, I went with permanent color. No sissy Kool-Aid for me.

The Dude Abides... Sort of

2009-01-28T21:22:00.000-08:00

Everyone cross your fingers for me, please. Tomorrow I throw myself on the altar of the safety inspection gods. I've learned that the wheel well on my Accord has to be removed in order to fix the windshield washer fluid reservoir. So that whole "do it yourself" aspect just flew right out the window. Since my temporary permit expires on Friday and state offices only work a four day week I'll be conducting a social experiment after work tomorrow. Wish me luck at the DMV!

A Festivus Miracle!

2008-12-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

The festivus fairy has visited me! (elf? delivery person? I'm not real sure of the terminology here...) I've been given my very own pole--accompanied by a wonderful card--as part of my own personal fesivus miracle! I'm kind of thinking that there were a few people who helped this miracle come to pass, so they're definitely not on my list of grievances this year. (That means you Duchess, Eris, and Numismatist!)

the quest for balance

2008-11-21T20:12:00.000-08:00

I've decided today that people have facets. I know this isn't exactly news but it's sunk in a little deeper for me today. I've embraced my girl-y facet quite a bit this week and enjoyed doing it. I went to dinner and to the midnight showing of Twilight with a group of girlfriends last night. We spent four hours drooling over imaginary characters and part of me thought, "how lame is this?" But then I decided that I shouldn't discount this side of my personality. If I want to go be with a group of girls lusting after men that don't exist, by hell I'm gonna! (This feeling was then further reinforced through a purse shopping-extravaganza this evening.) I'm embracing my pink and fluffy facet in all of it's chick-dom and I kinda like it.

This Kid is a Golden Retriever

2008-11-13T17:40:00.000-08:00

I was speaking with one of my classmates yesterday and she mentioned that she thought the student presenting his project was really cute. We talked about how he wasn't really either of our types but that he was someone that you wanted to like just because of his bubbly bouncy personality and classic preppy looks. And then it hit me. This kid is a golden retriever in human skin. He practically had his tongue lolling out of his mouth when he smiled. So now I wonder: What Kind of Dog am I?

soundtrack backstory

2008-11-07T23:54:00.000-08:00

I love music. Always have, always will. So, when I was speaking with the Duchess the other day about her 33 songs i was inspired. (ok, I totally thought it was a cool idea and decided to steal it and make it my own.) On your left (<--- for those who are directionally challenged like i was as a pre-teen) you'll see the soundtrack of my life. My goal is to get to 29 songs (this will probably take quite a while) which represent my life in some way. That doesn't mean that there will be one for each year of my life, but they'll all be significant. And, if you haven't heard them, you should! I may even tell you why they're significant, but only when the wind is southerly.

feeling devious

2008-11-06T15:12:00.001-08:00

Today I'm feeling just a little devious. I've been smooshed a bit at work and my passive-aggressive side is coming out. Plus, I just think the guy at xkcd.com is freaking hilarious.

Girlfriends

2008-11-05T21:57:00.000-08:00

This is a wonderful pic from Halloween. Aren't my girlfriends the best? Alas, one was missing that night...

Wednesday Wednesday

2007-06-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

Thankfully it isn't Monday, but it's definitely been a challenge. I was eating cherries brought in by a co-worker when i almost bit through a worm, and it only got worse from there. (Thank heavens for the emergency toothbrush in my car!) but there was a bit of a happy moment when i heard a rumor that one of my co-workers--she of the cherries--had taken a job in Boston! this was a very happy moment for many of us! i hope that things work out for the best for her, but i won't be sad to see a source of much contention leave.

Contacts are Glorious!

2007-05-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

I finally got my contacts from the eye doctor today. I have blue/gray eyes normally, but the aqua color i choose just makes them a little more noticeable. I was speaking with a co-worker the other day who commented that he didn't know the "real" color of my eyes since i was always wearing colored contacts. It definitely made me laugh because i had been wearing clear ones for almost a month and no one had noticed. Sometimes i think that my contacts give me superpowers. I don't really believe that they'll allow me to see through walls, or even jump small buildings in a single bound, but they do give me the super power to enjoy something about myself. They're just a small way to make people take notice and to make me feel that i stand out from the droll masses.